F.2.13

You Know Who is a Happy person but slated to have a BAD night...

A bold step...You Know Who faced IT today, just Like You Know Who faces all situations...after days of questioning the mind...

You Know Who saw You Don't Know What today....it does not exist no more but for the huge black thingy and a wall...and some rubble (maybe more)

Pierced the soul...numbed the mind...shattered the heart....

Love for the inanimate? Dire...

Five souls will cry forever

It is Gone forever...

Life goes on....

Period

:)

So glad to meet myself :D

...................................................................................................

For the Nth number of time, today:
The day went smooth...
The evening was brutally murdered by the same person who does it every time...
The reason was the same...
The attitude (mine) was the same: stay happy and ward off any turbulent thoughts that come your way...
The only difference being: today it is a li'l more than difficult to stay sane...
The events in the past two days have done enough already, and the evening stuff was really not needed...
Then, as if, enough was REALLY not enough, another call, later in the evening today, with another fucked up news, did it for me...
I am DEPRESSED...
For the first time in what have been YEARS now...

Questions by the Q-master

AA asked me WHY have I not been updating this space?

I answered: I am angry at someone...THAT someone is blissfully unaware of my anger.

AA also forwarded me an email on 'expectations'.

I respond, here, repeating his dialogue: Man is a social animal.

There are some people from whom you can't help but 'expect'.
In my relationship with this person, who is affecting my thoughts so much, I have graduated to 'not expect much'.

But the little (and when I say little, it indeed is very little) I expect cannot be poof-ed.

Is this anger and the thoughts that follow, some test to post-graduation in 'expectations'?

Or will it leave me unhappy?

My guess is I am growing stronger.

Rest, we shall see.

:(

It is SAD that You Know Who is sad.

A day

well spent...
Thanks to A, that I didn't waste the Sunday sleeping...

Sleep

I've slept for a max of 10 hours...
The record has been broken now...
13 damn hours!
Mazzaaa aa gaya!

Eight

was the count of planes I've seen in air on pne single day..i.e. today
:D
Does that signify I am travelling somwhere soon?
* Sigh *

Of awesome sights and sightings...

Exceptionally beautiful sightings...
Saw four peacocks sitting atop one of the domes of the Red Fort!!!
One bird, that I suspect was a Koel, perched hidden among the topmost branches of a giant tree.
All along the way to work watched the moon travel wimme.
Yes! It was high up even during the wee hours!
जब वो चांद है तेरा हमसफ़र,
कैसे खुद को तन्हा कहे तू, ऐ राहगुज़र?

LATE

I have found the answer to why I've been keeping a "distance" from them.
Answer: Feb 15 2007.
They may feel guilty now, but nothing can be undone.
It is too LATE.
I move on, in search of peace.

Anti-social?

Met the Proud Aqui twice in past two weeks.
Realised that I've forgotten how to interact with real-time friends...
Symptoms:
* Starting to think something else in the midst of a conversation more than once.
* After coming back home chatted with Proud Aqui on gtalk and realised I talk better when I write :|
Virtually trapped?
I am fighting my way out.
Thx Proud Aqui :)

.......................................................

:|
Felt sad and a little worried...needed to talk to A.
A called.
It took one hour for A to figure out what was wrong where.
A helped me fix it.
Speech therapy for the mute (like me).
:D
;)

A smile

from HIM is all it takes for You Know Who to be happy.

:)

:D

Started The BOND again.

Forks and Knives

Newness is:
Good
Change
Inspiring
A step ahead of the present.
Lekin...
new trends tend to disrupt the old world charm, at times.
Have been doing rounds of some restaurants, only a few tend to have good cutlery. By good, I mean those old-fashioned, long and pointed, heavy forks and knives.
They are a pleasure to eat with. I am going to buy some for myself.
For, they delight the palate, and add charm to the whole experience of dining (in or out).

Upper Crust

...bought it after ages today...
will read at leisure.
Reminds me of those days when I used to get it from second hand shops for much much cheaper rates ;)

OCD

It is waapis (but not as bad as earlier).
Have been washing hands like crazy again...
bachaoooo!!!

Aag aur Paani

You Know Who's anger management skills need a lot of attention.
How can a peace lover get soooooooooooooooo angry??
Baap re!
Scared, I am. Of the self.

I

sent a stinker of an SMS, fearing a horrible reply in answer.
First time EVER I dared to start a fight, rather than solve an issue over a good and calm conversation with A.
Felt good after writing it (SMS).
Felt horrible after sending it.
Felt silly after getting the reply.
Plan to continue being angry till the anger subsides on its own.
And A knows that.
I am 100 percent sure about it.
And before I finish this post, here comes the proof. The SMS, which says: Are you still angry with me?
I replied: Yes, I am.
Hope this mucky stuff gets over soon.

When...

plans fall in place, without you having to lift a finger to work around them, it feels GREAT.
:D
Grin

Lessons:

1.Never vent out your anger at someone for whom it is NOT meant.
2.De-socialise and socialise in a way that neither bothers you too much. Balance, that is.
Over and Out.

Zilch

words.
Ok two.

One year

So, it is one year today.
How do I feel she asked?
Still a little bitter, was my reply.
I do not like lies and this year that day, I heard one.
HATE S.
Money can make you lose respect. S has lost it in my eyes.
Liar!
Crook!
If God grants me one murder S will face my knife.

Just

... another day.

Food

no matter how much You Know Who loves it, there has been a growing disorientation.
The smallest reason is enough for You Know Who to declare any meal of the day CANCELLED.
This needs tobe checked.
ASAP.

100 plus

posts on The Chamber of Serets completed today.
Feeling good :D
I believe, therefore I am. :D

S.Mela

happened...FINALLY!
:D

Gloom

कुछ इस तरह दर्द-ए-दरिया में बह रहे हैं वह दो सनम,
के अब बाहर आने से न होगा उनका दर्द कम,
एक बार मुलाकात हमसे हुई जब उनकी तो वह बोले,
आओ तुम्हे भी बना लें हम हमदम,
हम बोले छोड़ दो ये गम,
तो वह बोले
की अब तो डूब जाने में ही है जन्नत, ऐ सनम!

Some love to cry,
to crib,
to hold on to gloom.
God help them.
For, they are the ones who are whiling away life, while trying to find happiness in gloom.

No DAY

There should be some No Days in life...
You Know Who should have the option of refusing to go to work on the No Day.
You Know Who did exactly so.
On the No Day, You Know Who shouldn't plan anything, but go by the flow.
On this No Day, You Know Who said NO to going out with someone at the cost of making that someone angry.
You Know Who didn't feel bad because that NO helped that someone, even though that someone could not see the same.
So, it is really OKAY.
Don't fret.
Don't feel guilty.
Life's Good
:)

Book Fair

...was total madness.
You Know Who loves doing crazy things at times.
Company matters.
You Know Who got just the right company for the book fair :D
Three hours well spent.
No matter how much You Know Who runs away from books, they always manage to catch You Know Who.
Ha!

Good

...people come unannounced and make You Know Who Happy.
Three hours of yapping made US feel relaxed.
Was much needed.

Madness of the mind

Spoke to Doc for over 1.5 hours
:D
With those insane talks,
the mind walks.
It roams helter,
it then vrooms skelter.
I like the madness of the mind.
It is kinda cute :D

You Know

WHO was in a no-writing mood.

Post
DAY.
Happens that way
Also.

Scratches in my head

* Should You Know Who quit the job?
You Know Who doesn't have another in hand. You Know Who is trying. This one's no more enjoyable and challenging. Or would it be wise to continue?
How long will this continue?
* P is strongest. Indeed. Love P toooooo much. Promising the self to make things better for P :)
* You Know Who shall dedicate at least one hour to reading everyday. Beginning today. Enough of bumming!
* I like A's questions. They are stirring. They make me think. And think. And some more :D
And they help too!
And yeah a very Happy Budday to Partner.
May you get all that is desired :)
Keep Smiling!

A Gift

I got for you today.
Symbolic of my acceptance.
Even if it come a little late.
I hope you like it :)

It Kills!

Don't know how it happens, I enter a state of gloominess whenever I go there w/o her :(
Last time I went there sans her, I errr....cried in public!!!
Huh!
Today, I went there again.
Was happy for some time, and THEN pop she appeared :) :(
Teri yaad - by Jal, I play teri yaad mein ;)

Blank

Noise!!!

Random brain work

* Amazed to observe that I've been reading about dog food and the blah and forwarding it to N.
* That is a good departure from the old 'see a dog, flip the page' habit.
* I still HATE dogs.
* More than that I am scared of them.
* I won't visit N's house again until N promises to tie H up, else N can call it my last visit to the house. Serious!
* :D Grinning at the fact that N will never be able to read this page ;)
* If N does read this, I stand the chance of being brutally murdered.
* Lastly, I do UNDERSTAND N's love for H, but N does not understand how I feel about it.

Such, is love.

What

is satisfaction?

Post!

Memoirs

In a city surrounded by hillocks, there exists an exotic waterfall.
She used to be spotted there often, strolling down the lane where this fall stood.
For she loved to see the water fall down that massive grey wall.
When she strolled down this lane, she slackened her pace at the approach of the fall.
Oh the things that made her sway!
(And probably still do)
HE knew of her love for this fall.
Whenever he was headed home, he would stop by the fall and make a call.
Here, listen to your lullaby. He'd tell her, in the most wonderful voice of all.
Then, time came to a stall.
They lost it all.
And the water FROZE at the fall.
Forever

:)

I see what they cannot.
I smile.
I wish them luck :D

Silly

When you err again and again, you are plain CARELESS!
Huh!

Next

You Know Who shall focus on one thought at a go...
Too many ideas spoil the fun :|

Clutter...

...of thoughts
...poured out in a dish
...like those that lay on the ground
...them, the dead fish.
Hu Ha Ha!
Okay...
Here goes it, the MIND:
A day OFF from office without a movie seems like a day wasted :|
A day OFF from office without some adventure seems like a day wasted :|
A day OFF from office can never be planned (MAY be tried, execution depends on will) :|
A day OFF from office without spending a few quality hours (question hours :D) with P & M seems like a day wasted :|
A day OFF from office without lazying around seems like a day wasted :|
A day OFF from office without having put EVERYTHING around You Know Who in order seems like a day wasted :|
A day OFF from office without spending some (very little) time with the pots and pans seems like a day wasted :|
Frikking hell!
How much can You Know Who do/get done in a single day!

Escape

How easy it is to blame a certain situation for a certain mood and escape!
No?

Silence

I like.
Gimme my share.
Leave me alone.
Let me be.

DC

Diet Coke
KILLS ME!
BUT
I still loveeee it
:)
Okay.
Joking.
No mood to write.
Tada!
You Know Who shall sleep now...

Why?

I fail to understand why are some people soooo restless and soooo rude!
Patience naam ki koi chidiya hoti hai yaar!
Usko paalo!

I

am human.
I
err.
I learn.
I err again.

32 pearls

She flashes them day and night.
Makes everything around her bright.
She came home.
She met him, her and him.
All smiled :)

:O

No Post.
No reason, no rhyme.
It ain't no crime :P

Rhythm

Like poetry in motion,
Like rhythmic devotion,
Like the bird-song in the air,
Like the flutist's flair...
It balsam(s) me,
It calms me.
Therefore, I write.

Once...

It is not easy to know you are so near, yet so far.
You stand there...bereft of the 5 souls that made you come alive, once.
Will you ever stop us when we pass by you?
Will you let ME see you ONCE?
I know I am silly :(

F.2.13

In you...
...they left a part of their souls.
...the happiness of their lives.
...the force that drove them around.
...the warmth, the celebration.
I wish...
I could help them.
I try.
I fail.
I try again.
The fire needs to be kindled here too.
By them.
By US.
For, this is OUR world now.

AB

Hehe...
This is a funny one...
I recall all funny things...
I am going to SMS (only one or two rather than the 20-30 odd msgs he used to get from You Know Who) AB tomorrow...
or maybe call him up :D
And congratulate him and his crew for T :)

Abyss

"When you stare into an abyss for a longgggggg time, the abyss also stares into you..."
And it throws back at you, the question that your staring eyes carry...
For, it says:
The answer lies within.
Search!

Too much!

Walk Back in thoughts:
Flash!
Haunt!
Crash!
Walk Away!
No...
Walk Out!

Winter rains

...were all that were needed to bring about the regular chill in the air.
And it rained today!
D land looks, smells and feels better now.
Like its old self.
:)

Bonds

Back to the place called D.
You Know Who feels good.
You Know Who feels at home.
As soon as You Know Who entered the D land:
The air seemed to recognise You Know Who.
You Know Who felt a sudden ease and lightness, inside.
You Know Who loves the D land and the D land loves You Know Who.

:)

Plain Happy :D

:D

You Know Who managed to GET LOST on this day.

She

played a fairy.
I am going to live a tale :D
How long can You Know Who not smile :D

Pacification

I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!
I hate it!

Doc

I have been writing a lot about people on this blog...
Donno why...
Anyway...
It feels good...
Today it is Doc's turn.
Spoke to Doc little by little, all through the day today.
Doc calls me mera bacha.
I used to address Doc as Tu.
I still do.
Doc likes it that way.
One of the most humble people I know. :)
I am getting to meet Doc very very soon.
Yayyy!

R

Spoke to R.
After a long time.
Happy, positive, confident.
To R, You Know Who owes the 'serious' business.
Have been putting my act together about 'it' since Day 1 of 2008.
This ain't no resolution or stuff like that.
This is just another reason, to work towards knowing the unknown.
And the day, You Know Who thinks that You Know Who knows even a 'little'
to be able to strike a good conversation with R at her favourite place D or maybe L, then, You Know Who will make R read this post.
It may happen about errr 5 years down the line :)
Long Live the Queen R!
:)

Uljhan

When you are confused, the confused thoughts can lead to more confusion. If you try to untangle these thoughts, you tend to be stuck; then, you tend to think more. Then, you either manage to solve the confusion or get stuck further.
So try and untangle yourself, else...

Happy New Year all!

Blank

Noise!

Noise :D

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Noise :D